a small step in the right direction :)

[Alessandra Elizabeth Card]

So this blog will be unorganized, but its how my thoughts are spilling out of my brain right now. I want to start by saying that everyone should read the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Great book. He is telling a story he heard about some navy SEALS who are resuing hostages, but when they bust into the hostages holding cell they are terrified and don't believe that the SEALS are really americans to help them. So one of the seals puts down his gun takes off his helmet and curls up on the ground with the hostages until eventually they start to believe him because their captors would never do that. Obviously this is a parallel to Christ, and Miller talks about how our world is held hostage by the devil and only Christ can get us out, so he gets down and curls up with us so we will trust him. I just thought it was an amazing little anecdote and wanted to share it. This blog is more about me because I wanted to share some of my internal battles that I fight, and how God is helping me slowly realize that I AM making hedway. Depression runs in my family (fun I know) and while I don't think I have it, I DO catch myself doing certain things or reacting certain ways that my mom would act when I was growing up, and it makes me think that I am fighting an internal battle that is always raging wether I realise it or not. I think God knows this and puts me with amazing people that help me to stay positive. But sometimes it gets to be so overwhelming and I can't see through the fog in my head to organize my thoughts. This has been happening recently and I was surprised to see that while my reaction involved hurtful thought, and a lot of tears, my first and strongest answer was to turn immediately to prayer and praise music. I was so upset that it actually took me a while to even realise what I had done. And when I did, it didn't immediately bring about the sense of peace I was hoping for. It did however make me stop and think and understand that this wwas a huuuuge step for me in the right direction. Will I stop being upset and have all the answeres to my problems? Not even close, in fact I continued to cry for quite some time after that. But it wasn't a wild, helpless cry like I feel like I used to have. Sorry derrick, girls cry :) the whole situation did help me to understand and put into perspective how far I have come, and on my break I read the Bible, prayed, listened to christian uplifting music, and read more of the blue like jazz book. I guess the point is that becoming a christian doesn't make you happy all the time, or make your life perfect, or clean tour apt, or pay your bills, pass your tests, or find you a relationship. Being a christian helps you to know, without a doubt, that while life throws all kinds of trials at you, you are never alone, and while its ok to cry, and wish your problems didn't exist, you also know that He will help you concur your earthly dillemas, and he will always be there with a hug, even if its in the form of a fellow christian starting a random conversation at a bookstore. I know this didn't make a lot of sense, but maybe someone will understand, lol. In Christ-alessandra

[Katie Walton]

That's awesome! I'm so glad that God is faithful in showing us His presence in everyday situations! :)

[Lacey Renea Read]

Alessandra, I think I just met you last tuesday at Access and while I know we don't really know each other, I understand completely. I'm going through something right now where it's been sort of hard to hold onto the promise God has made me. But as terrible as heartbreaking situations are, they're also a blessing in a way...to me they are anyways. I always grow so much closer to God when I'm facing a situation that's tough. If you ever want to get together and talk about all this kind of stuff I'd love that! It's nice to find someone who really understands what these kinds of things feel like and is also walking with the Lord. God Bless you Alessandra! :-)

[Jessica Smagacz]

Good stuff...thanks for sharing!