A spin on Lent Question #11

[Derrick Scott III]

I am taking a bit of a different spin on A218 Lent Question # 11. This season is so much about what is happening in the inner life.

So today seemed to be a great day overall. Relevant moments at church, great meetings, had some significant conversations with friends...the walking around, being around people, conversation, getting work done part of my day was great. But on the inside, in the place that I rarely talk about in public and only certain people are allowed to see, today was not so good. (Nothing to be alarmed about folks!) Now please understand, the rough stuff going on the inside had very few connections to what was going on outside. I wasn't joking or faking my way through what turned out to be a good day. No one said anything hurtful and for the most part, all the things I planned to do happened. But as I reflected on the day, I wasn't 100% satisfied with it's outcome. It got me thinking...

Some of you reading this would not understand what happened to me today. You are thinking, 'what will it take for you to be happy Derrick?!' To those feeling this way, I have to admit, it is a bit frustrating to admit it let alone try to defend it. But you must understand that for me, my inner life is just as real as the stuff that happens in the material world. I can't avoid the fact that for me to be complete, I must acknowledge my whole being...not just the parts that the grand majority of people get to see. It is what it is.

But to those who identify with me, I wanted to offer a couple pieces of advice. These are just my thoughts, based on living with an extremely active inner conversation going on as I have lived in the real world. Hope some of the things I have discovered will help you make sense of having great days on the outside and at the same time, feeling lousy on the inside.

1. Admit it. The worst thing to do is to act as if you don't have an active inner life. The more you ignore it, the louder it becomes. For some of us, this is hard because it means we might have to come clean with the self deception that we do not have it all together. I have found that self-reflection and personal honesty, although really scary, is really freeing. You begin to bring the inner life into reality when you admit to yourself that for whatever reason, you conscience speaks just as loud as your mom and the tangible events you experience in everyday life.

2. Listen to it. God gave us an inner life (aka emotions, a soul, a conscience, etc) for a reason. The inner life is there to indicate how we are receiving certain messages on the inside. If your emotions, for instance, aren't acting normally, they are indicating something. Good or bad, it is information you need to know. Again, to ignore this can be dangerous. As Erwin McManus says, sometimes your soul catches information way before your brain is able to interpret it.

3. Talk about it...a little. Like the discipline of self-reflection, the discipline of confession is a lost art, particularly for those of Protestant faith or none at all. We are often afraid to open up because we are afraid of being judged. Unfortunately, we all need help with discerning and understanding what is happening to us...especially with the abyss that is our inner life. I offer this advice with a couple guidelines. 1) Talk to someone who knows you well enough to tell you when you need to quiet the inner life a bit. (This is why I added 'a little' to this point). Talking too much about the inner life can be just as dangerous as talking too little. You need a listener who has permission to be honest and provide productive feedback. If you won't hear it all from someone, might not wanna tell them any of it. 2) Make sure the person you are talking to is ready and able to listen to the voice of your inner life. This is more important that we realize. The inner conversation is not logical or irrational often...it is what it is. The listener has to be ready for this, willing to hear it, and stable enough to provide appropriate feedback. Choosing the wrong listener could actually wound you on the inside.

4. Manage it. With all the other points said, one of the hardest things for those with an active inner life to realize is this: 'The inner voice is not you, it is a part of you.' (Similar to the physical body or intellect does not account for a whole being). We must make sure that we do not allow the inner voice to override and over-rule the rest of our being. We have to work at finding the balance, where our entire life is working together, not at war with itself.

Some final thoughts...

What did I do as a result of my experience today: Well, I decided to stop work a little early, write this blog, and have something to eat. I will more than likely go to bed early as well. If I feel the same way in the morning (which is highly unlikely), I will reassess the spaces, relationships, and responsibilities that I encounter to see if my inner voice is trying to tell me something. Like the body at times catches a 24 hour bug, I would suggest that our souls can just have an off day.

Key info for Christ-followers: With all the info I have shared above, you might be wondering where does Jesus come into all of this. It is often assumed that the inner life is automatically the voice of the Holy Spirit. I would suggest that it is not automatic. Just like we must make decisions as to what we will do with our bodies and what we will say with our mouths, we also have the challenge of submitting our inner lives, souls, emotions, etc to God. I think this is why Jesus says clearly to love the Lord with 'all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' (Mark 12:30). The command to love God in these areas implies that it may not always come easily. Also, Paul prays that we would be "strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith...and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16-17a, 19). Again, Paul action to pray for it suggests that this might not happen outside of being open to the voice of the Holy Spirit. This is why numbers 3 and 4 above are so important for those of us who have active inner lives.

I pray that this has been helpful for those of you who live with loud inner lives. May you continue to find freedom in the life, death, resurrection and glory of the One who loves us.

[Jennifer Connor]

We will always be weak, so we might as well embrace it. And as Pastor Gee talked about we should Trust in God, not in our minds. We can't really trust what our limited minds tell us. We are not all-knowing.

[Jessica Smagacz]

Derrick, thanks for this post. I just read a chapter on God's Power in Your Weakness which I find relevant after reading your post.
"We are weak...yet by God's power we will live with him to serve you." 2 Corinthians 13:4
"I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Paul said "I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses."