Confirmation...

[Geri]

So I had an unsettling shift in thinking this week. As Haiti gets closer to being my "present tense" as it were, the thought came into my mind, "I have absolutely no inkling what will come after Haiti." And I had to rein in my mind from having a freak out.
As I processed that realization, I realized that it is (obviously) okay not to know what will come next, especially since the Haiti time frame is a little open-ended. And hey, I do know some big picture ideas for later, but those don't really satisfy this detail oriented girl. :-) But I must be thankful for that much anyway, since that is what God saw fit to give me. (And it is for the best, because I am still reassured by Him giving me the big picture stuff, but I can't do anything with it, because I am a details person. So I have to leave Him alone and trust He will give me more info when I need to know.
But I digress. Amid all of the above, I still was unsettled about the future unknown (even though God has amazingly and consistently come through for me repeatedly!) Enter the words of Oswald Chambers today. I have copied them below. See paragraph 2 and 3...(cont below)
August 5th.

THE BAFFLING CALL OF GOD
"And all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man shall be accomplished . . . And they understood none of these things." Luke 18:31, 34

God called Jesus Christ to what seemed unmitigated disaster. Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death; He led every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. Jesus Christ's life was an absolute failure from every standpoint but God's. But what seemed failure from man's standpoint was a tremendous triumph from God's, because God's purpose is never man's purpose.

There comes the baffling call of God in our lives also. The call of God can never be stated explicitly; it is implicit. The call of God is like the call of the sea, no one hears it but the one who has the nature of the sea in him. It cannot be stated definitely what the call of God is to, because His call is to be in comradeship with Himself for His own purposes, and the test is to believe that God knows what He is after. The things that happen do not happen by chance, they happen entirely in the decree of God. God is working out His purposes.

If we are in communion with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, we shall no longer try to find out what His purposes are. As we go on in the Christian life it gets simpler, because we are less inclined to say - Now why did God allow this and that? Behind the whole thing lies the compelling of God. "There's a divinity that shapes our ends." A Christian is one who trusts the wits and the wisdom of God, and not his own wits. If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the leisureliness which ought to characterize the children of God.

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Ah! So that is it! And I really feel that OC is onto something here. The call of God, so often for me, is this uncanny compusion to action that I cannot explain or logically justify. It appeals to the whimsical, child-like, artistic side of me. This is why I LOVE that OC compared it to the call of the sea!
"The call of God is like the call of the sea, no one hears it but the one who has the nature of the sea in him."
Though I am no sailor, being a Florida girl (as some of you Floridians can relate to) I know the call of the ocean. And as some of you know, I cannot (without much sadness and disappointment) go out past the intracoastal without going out on the beach, and at least sticking my feet in the water. It matters not whether it is August or February, I am compelled to do it.

(Pause) So there is a reason beyond the fact that it is the happy beach and I love the beach that I feel compelled to do this. Some of you may know/remember this story. When I first went to Haiti in 2002, it was a life altering trip, and a lot of really awesome stuff was awakened in me by God during our time with our sister church. But God appeals to me in the practical and mundane sometimes. Must be that He knows that pragmatism can be the cincher of a decision for me. It has to be realistic and workable.

So at the end of the week, we were at a retreat center called Zanglias. We get to go to the beach while we are there. And this was in November, Thanksgiving weekend. So (and this will seem like the smallest thing) I went and got in the water. And it felt great, not cold at all. It was perfect.

Later, I got out. You know how you get out of the ocean (or pool) and almost invariably, you get chilled (at least you ladies know what I am talking about). I HATE being chilled. So as I braced for it upon exiting the water, the chill didn't come. In November. The air was perfectly warm.

And I thought to myself, "I could totally live here!"

There it is folks. The most unremarkable, non-spiritual start to this crazy adventure that I am now on.

But since then, every time that I am near the ocean, the act of putting my feet in the water is like an unspoken renewal of the covenant of sorts that I made with God that day. Obviously the day to day living of all of this is the real challenge, but it is really cool for me to be able to, in any state of mind or being show by a simple action my unspoken, "Okay God, I am still in. Let's do this!" And I know that the water my feet are in is the same water that eventually laps on the shores of my Haiti. (unpause)

God speaks to me at the beach. The ocean embodies God for me in a way. (I really experience God in nature regardless, the wind, the rain, etc.) But the ocean is awesome in how it is like God. It is this constantly moving mass that, with the right storm or current, could KILL you with the power in it. Yet, if you stand right at the edge, it tenderly laps at your feet, almost teasing, beckoning you into its depths. I can totally see God that way.

So great simile Oswald! And then the challenge...

"the test is to believe that God knows what He is after. The things that happen do not happen by chance, they happen entirely in the decree of God. God is working out His purposes. If we are in communion with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, we shall no longer try to find out what His purposes are."

So there is the response to my unsettledness. It is not going to go anywhere...God was generous with me with this first step being so clear. I am grateful for His willingness to build my faith in this way. And I do not understand why He chose/allowed that to be my case, but I am thankful for it. Not to say that I don't think He will lead when the next thing comes about and indicate it in some way, but I doubt He is going to make it as in my face as the Haiti journey has been thus far. And you know what, that is okay. I am okay with just having my big picture ideas for what will later come down the pike. Remind me of that in a few years when I have a similar "What's next?" freak out, k? Cause I (like most of us) have a short memory. :-)

My hope is to aspire to be like this:

"As we go on in the Christian life it gets simpler, because we are less inclined to say - Now why did God allow this and that? Behind the whole thing lies the compelling of God. 'There's a divinity that shapes our ends.' A Christian is one who trusts the wits and the wisdom of God, and not his own wits."

I like my own wits. But I will continue to trust and follow and obey. Even when it is hard and painful and hard and heartbreaking and hard and even appears to be counter-productive (and hard) and against my best logic.

I have no regrets. It has totally been worth every single step. And I look forward to the future, even though I have only a dim idea of what it holds, and absolutely NO idea of the time frames. I know that it will be an awesome ride, and I am hanging on, (to quote a song by a friend of mine) "scared out of my mind, and lovin' it!"





(All quotes from http://www.myutmost.org/08/0805.html)