Personal Response to Reflection Question #3

[Derrick Scott III]

Does guilt keep you from living the life you were created for?

Yes...because I know that subconsciously I am capable of just about anything. One of my biggest fears is that deep down below the surface is a proud, arrogant, insensitive jerk and that all of my conscious actions, no matter how good they look, are products of a hopelessly sinful man. There is good psychology and theology that affirms the thought. So I am the person who questions and doubles checks every motive a million times. I am also the guy who is sure he has done something wrong, no matter what others may say. I am desperate for critique as I am always trying to rectify the possibility that all my actions are full of malice. I am so sure that I have committed a sin no matter what the scenario or the situation, even if I cannot truly identify what that sin might be.

Some might think this is the discipline of self reflection, but it actually is SELF-CONDEMNATION. I am not convinced that Jesus's sacrifice is reaching deep enough in my life. So before anyone else, including Jesus, can call the final verdict...I do it. So many things I never did and so many steps I should not have taken because of guilt that I laid on myself. I still struggle with this today.

God has been using letters from my good friend Ozzie (aka Oswald Chambers's My Utmost for His Highest) to transform my thinking. On January 9, Ozzie basically verbalized my problem and smacked me in the face with the solution:

"Your whole spirit . . . ." The great, mysterious work of the Holy Spirit is in the deep recesses of our being which we cannot reach. Read Psalm 139 . The psalmist implies— "O Lord, You are the God of the early mornings, the God of the late nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea. But, my God, my soul has horizons further away than those of early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize. My God, search me."

Do we believe that God can fortify and protect our thought processes far beyond where we can go? ". . . the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1:7 ). If this verse means cleansing only on our conscious level, may God have mercy on us. The man who has been dulled by sin will say that he is not even conscious of it. But the cleansing from sin we experience will reach to the heights and depths of our spirit if we will "walk in the light as He is in the light" (1 John 1:7). The same Spirit that fed the life of Jesus Christ will feed the life of our spirit. It is only when we are protected by God with the miraculous sacredness of the Holy Spirit that our spirit, soul, and body can be preserved in pure uprightness until the coming of Jesus-no longer condemned in God’s sight.

We should more frequently allow our minds to meditate on these great, massive truths of God.

In short, it's not about me...it's not even about the sins I commit, conscious or unconscious. It is all about the grace that sanctifies, purifies and empowers me 'to live as Christ'. I have to trust that 'He who began a good work in me will complete it'. I am learning to trust the Holy Spirit's ability to present me blameless and spotless on that day more than my ability to correct the deep ramifications of a sinful nature. It is a step of faith to not allow a guilty conscious to hold me back from what I have been called to do. But that is who we are after all...people who walk by faith. May the curse of guilt, both conscious and unconscious, bow at the feet of Him who holds all things together. Amen.